I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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