well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
it's not cheating when I paid for it
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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