Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
