is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
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