How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Randomize
