Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
