It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
