Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
