How'd it feel making her break her religion?
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Randomize
