So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
