Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
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