i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I have fence marks all over my body
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
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