I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize
