My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
