She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Randomize
