This is not my ceiling
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
