Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
