i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Randomize
