so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
