bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
