I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
