I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
