My friends, they love my intelligence
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
