4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
