your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
