Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
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