Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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