Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
