Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
