oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Randomize
