airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
