i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Randomize
