Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
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