I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Randomize
