she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
i need some magic done to my vagina
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
