Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Randomize
