Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Randomize
