I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
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