he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize
