Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Randomize
