nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
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