Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
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