My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
Everything about him screamed your future.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize
