garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
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