I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
