Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
Randomize
