Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
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