he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
is that a dick in a sweater?
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
I woke up under a house in Key West
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