I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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