Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
