I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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