Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
