So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Randomize
