Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Randomize
