Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
