i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
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