just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
