and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
