when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Randomize
