I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Randomize
