I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
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