i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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